So today I feeling a little good.... I made it to bus before they were pulling off despite stay up pass my intended bed time. On the other hand I love and hate the fact that I've moved back home. Love the fact that I get to see my family everyday.... I am still learning to allow them to love me unconditionally and I am learning trust myself enough to show them that I love them despite the things that they say or do to me. I love the fact that I am getting a chance to show my father that I love him and that we are building the relationship never had. My only wish is that my Brother and Sisters would jump on board (he's not going to live forever) but just as I did.... they will come around.
Putting all of that aside I miss my college life. :( :( I really miss seeing all of my friends and the freedom I had living on my own. I hate that I am not as focused as I was when living on campus.
With all of that said my goal for this year is to first get a car and maybe even an apartment. I want my independence back with the freedom to go see my friends whenever I want to see them and still stay connected with my family. Plus my niece and nephew will be here soon and I have to spoil them....lol!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Opening of My Eyes
Today I am here before you having gone through life thinking all wrong.
What I have fail to realize is this: I was not able to pick the family I was born into but the path I have taken was a decision I,myself made all alone. So to the people who have loved me through my "identity crisis" I am sorry I have pushed you aside for far to long and the people who hurt me I forgive you for the things you did and even though I should blame you for these things I honestly blame myself I have allowed the things you've done to affect the plans I had for my life. To my possible future children remember that I will always love you and that life will sometimes hurt so
I pray that for you it won't hurt to much. And to the future love of my life....I'm not sure if we've met yet but there is a possibility..... I love you!!!! I sorry that it will take so long for me to let you in. Sorry for being so stubborn and thank you for loving me through all of my past hurt and pain.
Lastly to myself.... never forget who you are and those that love you. You, yourself know your full potential, live up to every bit of it. Be that great person you used to see when you look in the mirror. Mostly love yourself and everyone you come in contact with because you might be the only love that person see.
What I have fail to realize is this: I was not able to pick the family I was born into but the path I have taken was a decision I,myself made all alone. So to the people who have loved me through my "identity crisis" I am sorry I have pushed you aside for far to long and the people who hurt me I forgive you for the things you did and even though I should blame you for these things I honestly blame myself I have allowed the things you've done to affect the plans I had for my life. To my possible future children remember that I will always love you and that life will sometimes hurt so
I pray that for you it won't hurt to much. And to the future love of my life....I'm not sure if we've met yet but there is a possibility..... I love you!!!! I sorry that it will take so long for me to let you in. Sorry for being so stubborn and thank you for loving me through all of my past hurt and pain.
Lastly to myself.... never forget who you are and those that love you. You, yourself know your full potential, live up to every bit of it. Be that great person you used to see when you look in the mirror. Mostly love yourself and everyone you come in contact with because you might be the only love that person see.
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